An Open Letter to T’s Preschool

Earlier in the week I received an email from T's preschool. It said:

"Hi All,

Parents have asked for a family class list for play dates and birthday parties. Attached is a copy of the family class list."

Perhaps it should have bothered me that said list included my home address and cell phone number, but I am pretty sure that most of Jack's classmates are internet (iPhone) savvy enough to Google us and find basically the same information, so… who cares. What alarmed me about this particular electronic communication was the thought process that followed:

1. Birthday parties? Wait, so if T doesn't get invited to any birthday parties after the distribution of this list, does that mean he is the smelly kid in class? Or the kid who picks his nose? Shoot, he does that annoying throat-clearing thing now, which we keep joking about is like that kid on The Middle that whispers to himself all the time…

2. Again – birthday parties? T is turning 4 next week, does that mean I am supposed to invite other kids to his birthday party? (The birthday party that is still more of an abstract concept than an actual plan at this point, but still…)

3. Play Dates?! Substitute the words "play dates" for "birthday parties" in thought #1. Repeat with thought #2.

Am tempted to reply all with this:

"Hi all,

I am T's mom. In spite of my asking (bordering on nagging) T to tell me about his day every day upon pickup, he prefers to spend his post-preschool ride home alternately hounding me to listen to "Country Girl" on the radio or demanding to play Angry Birds on my cell phone. Therefore, I have no idea whether he has formed friendships with any of your children and if so what their names might be. We might like to invite some – or all – of you to his upcoming birthday party. Unless your kid mentioned that T is the smelly kid in class, or the nose picker, or the kid who incessantly clears his throat, in which case you can disregard this entire message.

I look forward to hearing from (at least one of) you soon. Even if you want to email me anonymously and confirm that yes, T is any of the above 'that kid'."

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