When You Think They Aren’t Listening

Oh look, I still have a blog. Imagine that!

Over the past year while I wasn't writing I had another baby. (Yes, an entirely new human.) And my mom was diagnosed with cancer. (She is now cancer-free, athankyouverymuch.) Neither of those are reasons not to write; in fact, those events might have been catalysts for amazing writing.

But they weren't, not for me. Mostly I felt tired, and anxious, and like there is a whole lot of excess noise out there. And I didn't much feel like adding to it unless I had something to say that felt worth it. So I was very quiet, and I waited for something to happen that I wanted to tell you about. 

And let's be honest. "You", after a year of not writing, is probably my mom, my sister, a few cousins and a handful of good friends. Which is totally okay with me. I love you people and I'm glad you're still here. 

Today was A's last Star Student day. I have been operating under the assumption that sending my now-middle child to Kindergarten next fall will be easier than sending the oldest or the youngest. As I was handing over the Star Student bag and goodies to A's teacher "for the last time", I realized this is not likely to be the case. Luckily, before I could dwell too much on this "last", the teacher said she just had to tell me something about A.

Apparently during lunch yesterday, two little boys were discussing how they love chocolate so much they want to marry it. (Amen, little guys, amen.) Then they decided they should just marry each other instead. At which point another child pointed out that they could not, in fact, get married because they are both boys. So A interjected, "yes they can. Boys can marry boys, and girls can marry girls. You can marry whoever you love." 

Whoa.

Then I got into my car and I cried and cried. Because apparently, my children do hear me when I talk. Maybe not about the little things – flushing the toilet, picking up their toys, interrupting me incessantly, and so on and so on ad nauseum. But the big things? The "it is my responsibility to teach you to believe these things to the core of your being before I send you out into the world to be a contributing member of society" things? Turns out they are listening. They get it. 

A is only four, and when I cry at things that don't appear outwardly upsetting she gets confused and asks "Mommy, why does your voice sound like that? Why are you sad?" So I can't explain this to her. Instead, I will write it here and perhaps some day she will read it and know how important today is to me.

Thank you, my biggest little girl, for giving me a much-needed sign that I'm doing an okay job raising you. Thank you for being so brave. Don't ever let people tell you what you can and cannot do. (Unless it is me or your dad and you are doing something dangerous or illegal.) And thank you for being the thing I waited all year for – for giving me a reason to write again.

You are my little star. All the days.

Be You

Comments

  1. I am a grateful Woman, Mom and Nana.It is a special joy to watch your child parent your grandchildren, a privilege not everyone gets.Leah, thank you for writing again.I have missed your blog, but the love and support you gave me is priceless.Many years to go…I will watch your children grow.You are always my baby and in my heart forever.xoxo

  2. Actually, I'm here too! I follow you on Bloglovin so even if it's been a year, I was notified! Yay!

    Congrats on the new baby! And so glad your mom is ok.

    This is timely because in Scarlet's class, one of her friends has two moms and one has two dads. And she thinks this is so cool! It's all about love to her. And she just started kindergarten. And it's been really hard on me. I still have three years for my youngest one. Maybe I'll have another baby before then..

    • Tamara – hi! Thank you for being here, I am so glad you are.

      Kindergarten huh? So hard! But an amazing year, for her and for you. Trust me. 🙂 I need to catch up on your writing. I have a lot of extra time around 2 am. And 3 am. And again and 4:30 am…

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