(Editor's Note: Yes, I know it is March. I wrote this weeks ago and did not have a chance to post it. Now seems like a good time, and it also fits for FTFS. Because swimsuit shopping in January is nothing if not stupid. )
I am a Target shopper. And while the list of things I enjoy about the Target (say it with me now, Tar-jay) far outweigh the things I don’t, there is this one little thing.
Bathing suits in January. WTF, Target?
Are you trying to make me feel bad that I don’t have vacation plans? Do you really think I’m looking to try on bathing suits even though I haven’t recovered from my holiday binging? Maybe you are passively-aggressively telling me it’s time to revisit the gym. Either way. Not cool.
But here’s the other thing about Target and the January bathing suits. By May, the only bathing suits you can find are size 2 or size 16, tucked away at the end of the “up to 70% off” clearance rack. And good luck to you if you wanted a top and bottom in matching sizes. HA.
So during my tri-weekly trip to Target, I spotted the cutest swimsuit. And because I am a seasoned Target shopper, and I know how the game is played, I added it to my cart along with a couple others. Because that is how the swimsuit game, in general, is played.
I got home, psyched myself up, and took out suit #1 to try on. It was a one-piece, made by Spanx, that looked phenomenal on. You know what did not look phenomenal? The angry red lines on my thighs from where I had drag the suit up to get it on. It was like trying to wrestle a sausage into its casing. RETURN.
Inner monologue: “It’s okay. That’s how Spanx work. We know this. I’m sure the next one will be better.”
Suit 2: On the one hand, my boobs look phenom – they are in the right place again, and this thing must have padding because they’re a lot more ample than usual. On the other hand, not only are the bottoms cutting into that unfortunate place that draws extra attention to back fat, if I were brave enough to turn around – I’m not – I’m pretty sure there would be butt cleavage. RETURN.
Suit 3: Appears to be an exact replica of suit 2, different pattern. I know better than to even try.
Dejected, I return the suits to the Target bag and commence "itscocktailthirty." It’s February. I am fat and finally understand what is meant by “a whiter shade of pale.” I know better than to try on bathing suits at this time of year, but Target has left me no choice.
The next day I present the suits at the Target return counter, avoiding eye contact with the skinny twentysomething counter girl who is helping me.
"So is there anything wrong with these items?" (At least she didn't add ma'am.)
"Um, no, they just don't actually, you know, fit."
“Oooooh, I love this suit, it is totally cute! I bought it but had to go up a couple of sizes because it is juniors.”
My head snaps up – “Did you say JUNIORS?”
“Oh yeah,” she says. “I had to go up to like a medium.“
“You should really have a sign warning people about that. Where the line is between 'adult' and 'junior' sizes. With flashing lights and bright colors. Especially in swimsuits. But thank you for telling me. I feel MUCH better.”
Hehehe! Buying swimsuits has to be my least favorite thing to shop for!
Ugh, I know. The WORST!
Definitely my least favorite thing to shop for. I think my last succes was mail order from Victoria's Secret and it actually worked! I figured it was a chance in a million for that one.
That is lucky! I hope you played the lottery that same day!
YES! Why must stores put out bathing suits right when everyone’s feeling their fattest? On a side note, did you know that Target offers free store returns, and free shipping over $50? Order those things online in another month, and just return to the store what doesn’t fit…boom, no scouring store racks for your size or wondering if it’s juniors!
Gold Star, Leslie! I think I even get free shipping on any amount because I have a Target card, but I never thought of doing this online. I will now!
I love Target, but know exactly what you mean about them putting swimsuits out in the middle of the winter. I have thankfully not looked, because I probably would buy too and don't feel bad, because what you did with tthe juniors sizes is so something I would and could do!! Thank you so very much for linking up with us!! 🙂
Happy to link up! You are smarter than I to bypass the swimsuits in winter. Next year, I will know better. 🙂
I have done the same thing with the juniors department at Target! Except with pants. I thought that I must be going up a size since pregnancy (because I never buy new clothes anymore), but then I realized it was juniors. They must make their sizing more clearly marked, or they're going to continue to have a lot of annoyed women on their hands.
So glad it's not just me!
Buying swingsuits is such a hard task! I know I've had my fair share of returns in that department!
They should offer wine in the bathing suit department the way they offer champagne in bridal shops. It’d make the whole process better!